||[Dec. 23rd, 2005|10:19 pm]
mr feeny's house of snark
This is a rant in which I portray the object of my hate in it's perspective. In this case; a rich, white suburbanite teen:|
Hi, I'm 17-years-old. A lot of people would say I'm "inexperienced" 'cause I never went out of the state and still live at my parents house, but they don't know shit! Y'see, I'm smart. Not book smart - that's for fucking queers and wimps. Nah, I'm too smart for school. So smart, in fact, I only get C's and D's, but still pass each grade because I'm a jock and the public school system sucks.
My dad tells me a lot of stuff, like how immigrants are taking our jobs. I know he's right, because he makes tens of thousands of dollars a month, but never went to college - he's a professional ass-kisser in his company. Anyway, he tells me this and I know he's right. I mean, I know he's right because I never had a job. I'd get one, but like, the Mexican kid at my school named Pedro got a part-time job at McDonald's. I never actually wanted to get the position. I mean, fuck it, I already get an $150 allowance a week, so it's not like I need the money. Still that beaner took a job from a hard-working kid like me!
He also told me the liberals are trying to take his money away. So, instead of having to buy that new Hummer that gets half a mile to the gallon, he has to buy that big screen TV to replace the one we already have. My friend in college told me my dad's full of it, because he's rich. Yeah, like, rich people are...uh...people, too! They may get tax breaks from the government, but we get money taken away from us just like poor people, except we need it more! Really, I need to get that new stereo system in my car. If I don't, how can I share my love of 50 Cent to my neighborhood?
Seriously, 50 Cent is the next fucking Mozart (whoever he was, my music teacher keeps mentioning him). He knows about what shit is like on the street, yo! What's even more amazing is how he whored himself out to not only make a movie that glorfies his former lifestyle in a positive manner. Yeah, I know he was a drug dealer and shit, but he made inspiring music that speaks the truth. Especially about women, they all ho's.
Like, this one time, I asked this girl out. I never actually talked to her before, but I asked her is she wanted to come to my place and fuck like rabbits. She slapped me - what a bitch! She ended up going out with this other guy, who I know is a complete faggot 'cause he's in all the school plays. Ha ha! She's dating a faggot!
Gay people scare me, too. I don't want no guy coming up from behind me and touching my shit. It's okay when my teammate Ritchie slaps my ass during practice, but those gay pieces of shit need to stay the fuck away. Besides, I hear all those priests that molest children are gay, too. Again, my friend in college had to point out most child molesters are actually straight. Seriously, that fucking egghead needs to shut up every once n' a while.
Really, just 'cause he's going to college he thinks he knows more than me. That asshole hasn't even lost his virginity yet 'cause he's concentrating so much on school (me, I lost mine to some chick who got drunk and passed out on my friend's couch. That was so awesome!). He also says he has severe depression. Wah, wah, wah! Just 'cause his mom died doesn't mean he's depressed, he can fucking snap out of it anytime he wants to. Besides, like Tom Cruise says, psychology is bullshit. I mean, he'd know - he's a fucking successful actor! My friend says that Cruise believe in something called Thetans and belongs to a cult, but like all fucking liberals, he's just basing that on our horribly bias liberal media (speaking of which, I need to read my dad's Ann Coulter books, listen to some Rush Limbaugh, and watch The O'Reily Factor on FOX).
Besides, unlike him, I've been involved in some heavy political shit. Like, a few days ago, I wore this button that says "ABORTION IS MURDER" and walked around school with it on. This one kid came up and asked me why I believed that, and I said it's killing babies, and he asked how I knew it was actually killing a baby as opposed to, I don't know, cells or some shit. I kept telling him that if a chick's pregnant, it's a baby and she has to have it. The kid got pissed and then talked about how is sister died because she decided to have the kid, 'cause her parents would disown her because they were pro-lifers. Seriously, what a whiny little bitch.
So, yeah, you know I'm right. If you disagree, you're an asshole, dig?